[Bloat] Fwd: [ih] Baby's Got Bufferbloat

[Dave Taht]

this version of this song might have legs

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Don Hopkins via Internet-history <internet-history at elists.isoc.org>
Date: Fri, Jan 19, 2024 at 1:14 PM
Subject: [ih] Baby's Got Bufferbloat
To: Jim Gettys <jg at freedesktop.org>, Mitch Bradley
<wmb at firmworks.com>, <internet-history at elists.isoc.org>


Sir Mux-A-Lot - Baby Got Bufferbloat (Official Music Video)
With apologies to Sir Mix-A-Lot, thanks to ChatGPT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X53ZSxkQ3Ho
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back (Official Music Video)
youtube.com


Oh... my... God.
Becky, look at that buffer, uh! It's so big.
It's like one of those tech guy's designs.
But, uh, y'know,
Who understands those network guys?
They only like it because it holds so much data, okay.
I mean, that buffer! It is just so... Large.
I cannot believe it's just so... Vast.
It's, like, overflowing. I mean, wow.
Look! It's just so... Full!

I like big buffers and I cannot lie.
You other coders can't deny.
When a router boots up with an itty bitty space and
A round trip time in your face, you get SPRUNG.
Wanna pull up tough, 'cause you notice that buffer was STUFFED.
Deep in the settings it's bearing.
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring.
Oh baby, I wanna get with ya,
And take your data.
My homeboys tried to warn me,
But that buffer you got makes me so latency-horny.
Ooh, smooth packet skin,
You say you wanna get in my network bin?
Well, use me, use me,
'Cause you ain't that average QoS newbie.
I've seen it buffering,
To hell with packet dropping.
It's sweat, wet,
Got it going like a turbo 'Vette.

I'm tired of magazines
Saying small buffers are the thing.
Take the average sysadmin and ask him that,
You gotta pack much packet.
So, fellas (YEAH), fellas (YEAH),
Has your router got the buffer? (HELL YEAH)
Tell 'em to shape it (SHAPE IT), shape it (SHAPE IT),
Shape that healthy buffer.
Baby got bloat.
(L.A. latency with an Oakland throughput.)
Baby got bloat.
(L.A. latency with an Oakland throughput.)

I like 'em round and big,
And when I'm debugging a rig,
I just can't help myself,
I'm acting like an animal.
Now here's my scandal,
I wanna get you home and UH,
Double up the buffer, uh, uh.
I ain't talking about congestion,
'Cause that's a problem for another session.
I want 'em real thick and packet-full,
So find that bloated double.
Sir Mux-a-Lot's in trouble,
Begging for a piece of that buffer bubble.

So I'm looking at network flows,
Watching these packets like pros.
You can have those minimal buffers,
I'll keep my buffer like a hoarder.
A word to the buffer-rich routers,
I wanna get with ya,
I won't clog or hit ya,
But I gotta be straight when I say I want to...
Buffer till the break of dawn,
Baby got it going on.
A lot of geeks won't like this song,
'Cause them punks like to keep latency gone,
And I'd rather stay and play,
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong,
And I'm down to get the buffering on.

So, ladies (YEAH), ladies (YEAH),
Do you wanna roll in my network scene? (YEAH)
Then turn around, stick it out,
Even white-hat hackers gotta shout,
Baby got bloat.
Baby got bloat!

Yeah, baby.
When it comes to networking,
IEEE ain't got nothing on my buffer scheme.
32-64-128,
Only if it's buffering.

So your network's got gigabit speed,
Playing data streams like a pro, indeed,
But those streams ain't got a chance to proceed,
Unless you've got buffer, indeed.
You can do packet shaping or QoS,
But please don't lose that buffer.
Some admins wanna play that "efficient" role,
And tell you the buffer ain't gold,
So they trim it and leave it,
And I pull up quick to retrieve it.
So IEEE says you're fat,
Well, I ain't down with that,
'Cause your packets are thick and your throughput's kickin',
And I'm thinking about stickin'.

To the routers in the labs with their fancy graphs,
You ain't it, Miss Thang.
Give me a router, can't resist her,
Redundant links and MPLS didn't miss her.
Some network head tried to diss,
'Cause his streams are on my list,
He had QoS but he chose to skip 'em,
And I pull up quick to support 'em.

So routers, if your buffer is round,
And you want triple-digit throughput pound,
Dial 1-900-MUXALOT,
And kick those skinny buffers off,
Baby got bloat.
Baby got bloat.
Big in the chassis but she got much buffer.
Big in the chassis but she got much buffer.
Big in the chassis but she got much buffer.
Big in the chassis but she got much buffer.

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-- 
40 years of net history, a couple songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9RGX6QFm5E
Dave Täht CSO, LibreQos